One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
