I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
