he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
