I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
