Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
