just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
