she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
