I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
