The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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