She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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