is your mom at the bar?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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