Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
