Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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