i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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