I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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