Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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