I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
