don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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