it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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