just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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