I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
