I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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