and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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