I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're too hungover to prance.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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