I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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