I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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