you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
