these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
