Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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