sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
