just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
