This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
