margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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