I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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