i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.