Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed