ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.

  Fav 8 1072 3904

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

  Fav 16 4365 1673

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

  Fav 51 7610 2068

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it

  Fav 15 1432 4072

  share tweet
  
• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

  Fav 9 1624 7315

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes

  Fav 5 1112 3925

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

  Fav 6 2644 1882

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

  Fav 4 2704 1218

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?

  Fav 2 1435 595

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.

  Fav 1 842 501

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.

  Fav 4 846 521

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!

  Fav 6 1209 535

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch

  Fav 1 393 907

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.

  Fav 0 588 494

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk

  Fav 0 546 375

  share tweet
  

Randomize