I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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