Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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