Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow