that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!