Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.