I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Still dying that you shit outside
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering