what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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