I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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