i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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