haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
