we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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