New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
