Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
