I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
