There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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