True but thats because hes a fetus.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
