not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
