i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
