i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
