We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
