singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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