She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
