He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
