Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sober January is a disaster.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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