was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
