I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
