Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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