I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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