Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
