So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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