I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
