I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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