its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
