Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
