Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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