Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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