How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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