I'm going to jail i love you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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