i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
