i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
