you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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