his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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