Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
