I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
